Sabbatical Day 47

God is in the details and cares about the little things. Can't wait to share the details of time away. I am so in love with my Savior. I am so in love with my Papa. I am so in love with the Holy Spirit that walks with me each day. It is so fun to celebrate life with Him each day.

Sabbatical Day 45

My quiet moments were spent today in the lounge at the mechanic's. I along with a few others waited while our cars were being serviced. I read and wrote in my journal during the hour and a half that I spent there this morning. Incredible where you can find yourself experiencing God.

Beauty is all around us yet seldom do we take it in. Now I am sure you are wondering what kind of beauty could I possibly encountered at mechanic's. I must admit it was a very typical setting....couch, chairs, tv, and the smell of exhaust and stale cigerette smoke. So I can't really say the beauty was in that environment. No, it was in the book I read and the scripture in Psalm 27:4 that grabbed my attention. This scripture says, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

Gazing upon God's beauty has to be breathtaking. I have moments of awe as I relish in God's creation. If God can create this fabulous planet, then He himself is beyond words. God's beauty takes on a different definition.

We are made to long for and linger over beautiful places, paintings, sunsets, beaches, mountains, music, literature...anything created to bring beauty into our lives draws us. We are captivated by beautiful people, beautiful animals, flowers, a brilliant star-filled sky, or a warm sunny day after a cold, cold winter. We are drawn to those whose lives are simply gorgeous and peaceful. There is rest in the presence of beauty. There is a respite from the norm when we take in the glorious.

I don't know about everyone, but I know that I love creating beautiful moments for friends and family. I love taking extra care in making our days special. I love sprucing up my nest...making it a place of beauty, peace and rest.

But more importantly, I love sitting at the feet of my Savior, taking in His beauty. He is gorgeous, captivating, riveting and truly beautiful. As I linger with Him, He opens my heart to beauty. Our Triune God has made men and women to be the most glorious final touch of all creation. Look deep into the eyes of people. There you see eternal souls longing to be restored to their orginal state. That state is being in relationship with God who is putting all kinds of beautiful things in our paths in order to grab our attention.

The next time you see a sunset, remember, God made it just for you to behold the radiant color. The next time you see lightening fill the sky, don't forget God is calling for your attention. The next time you smell a rose, linger over the scent of heaven. The next time you hug a friend, unveil their true beauty as one of God's greatest masterpieces.

Papa, may you truly receive all the glory. May You, in me, be captivating. You bring out the beauty in us all. You are glorious. I want to gaze upon your beauty Lord. Please give me eyes to see, ears to hear, a soul that lingers, a hand that is soft, a heart that is brave, feet swift to help and a mind waiting for your wisdom. In our Savior's precious, beautiful name...Jesus...Amen

Sabbatical Day 44

Self-worth and self-confidence are big issues in today's culture. Employers look for those who exude a manner of self confidence, knowing themselves and their abilities. Self confidence also means understanding our inabilities or weaknesses. Equally from this knowledge we can then present ourselves with accurate understanding of what we can or cannot do and how we can help any organization or system function.

Many would call this our identity. Our personalities, roles, relationships can all play a part of our identity. For example, I am Dennis's wife... Josh, Amy, Lauren and Charlie's mom...seamstress....homemaker....service program director.... The list can go on to the extent that I understand my abilities. However, all of roles and abilities are temporary if you believe in the eternal.

Incredibly, these roles play out in such huge ways in our lives that we rarely look deeper to find our true identity. We have little time or energy to give to the adventure of discovery of who we are in Christ. Instead we settle for the temporary identity rather than our eternal one that is crying to be known.

This morning I settled into John 8. Here we find Jesus constantly under the scrutiny of the pharisees. Their drilling of Jesus to prove His identity was never ending. They badgered him with questions, judged his actions and debated the testimony of His identity as the Son of God. Their condemning words and threats of stoning did not steal the truth of who Jesus was. He was secure in the Father. The Father loved Him and He equally loved the Father, bringing the Father glory in all He did. Not once do we see Jesus toying with the lies. On the contrary, His security in the Father would not even allow the lies to take root in His heart.

We are loved by the God of the universe. The best place to grow our security is in the truth of how God loves us and sees us. If we can begin to recognize the new life He wants to give us, I believe we will want it more than any temporary ability, stength, or role that we may have here on this earth. But when we receive His fulfilling love that no one can take away, we will glady give ourselves to serving this world in order that others may know His love.

So who am I...really? How do I want to be known? Who's image do I want the world to see...My false image, or the image God has created? If I take down the false image mask, what will I find? What does God see right now? It is time to listen to the One who knows what He has always dreamed of and hoped for me.

Sabbatical Day 42

Today I had a conversation with a trusted counselor about boundaries. During these conversations I see more and more that I have few boundaries in my life. Lack of boundaries results in feeling powerless, abused, taken advantage of and depressed. Try as hard as I may to "serve" others, I still become angry. Having few boundaries causes me to take responsibility for things that I am totally not responsible for.

So with that said and knowing I need to explore this issue, I searched to see the boundaries God sets for himself. My first stop in the scripture was in John 6. The scene is on a mountain where some five thousand men are fed with five small barley loaves and two small fish. Upon experiencing this miracle, the people began to recognize Jesus as a prophet. Jesus recognized that they intended to make him king by force. With this realization He withdraws to the mountain by himself.

The temptation must have been pretty high. After all, to have people recognize his abilities and desire him to be their king would be a pretty heady trip. Knowing their plans for him would distract him from his real purpose set forth by God. Instead he chose to leave the people refusing their desires. He set a boundary...he said no.

So boundary number one for me is to ask the question "Will this distract me from what God wants for me?"

What distracts you from the goodness that God has in store for you? So many times we live out the plans others want instead of what we know God wants. We succomb to the pressure of yes to others in order to gain their approval. The only thing we have gained is their power to control us...not their approval.

Of course there is a huge difference in serving out of a true desire to love others and motivated to do what others want in order to gain approval. We must keep in contact with our interior life in order to recognize what is truly motivating us. Then it takes courage to carry out the truth by saying no or yes, whatever the case may be.

Walk couragously, following Him.

Sabbatical Day 41

Hope the day was truly one of rest and restoration.

If nothing else sinks into your soul, I pray this does. May the truth that God is completely, deeply, eternally and incredibly good...no matter what...rest on your heart and mind as you take in this Sabbath. If you don't believe in God's goodness, you probably don't trust Him much. I can understand why. It is hard to trust someone who does not have your best interest at heart.

Worship, love and trust flows out of our knowledge of who God is. Responding to Him comes from knowing Him. We are told in scripture (Deut. 4:29) that "if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."

I pray for a hunger that compels me to seek Him. Join me in this prayer for yourself, your family, your friends, your church, your co-workers...Pray for a hunger to take over our homes so we will seek God with all our heart and soul.

Sabbatical Day 40

During Lent, many Christians give up some sort of food, or vice in order to prepare for Easter. For some it is soda, others maybe sweets, and still others may give up meat or hobbies. For me I sense that I am to give up false beliefs that lead to destructive emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

This time away from the usual hussle of life has afforded much needed moments to really get in touch with my emotions. Often during chaos, we react so quickly that we don't even know the emotions we are experiencing. We just know we feel bad or we feel good depending on the situation. Past that we really can't explain what may be rolling around in our heads and hearts.

Whether we believe it or not, or even want to admit it or not, we are at war. The battlefield is our minds. We live and respond from our beliefs. False beliefs or true beliefs all impact how we respond to each life situation. Tracking those beliefs through our emotions and behaviors can help us see the reality of our beliefs...are they false or true. Paul says in II Corinthians 10:3-5, "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations, and every lofty thing raise up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

To win this war we must begin with what goes on in our mind. I love the words Paul uses here saying that we have divinely powerful weapons to destroy speculations and anything that raises up against God's truth. Years of trying to transform my thoughts on my own have left me discouraged and weary. Beating myself up for the inability to change leaves me feeling sad, ashamed and basically stupid. Why can't I get this right? Why do I keep falling for the same old issues? I have been a Christian for so long...so when am I going to see real, lasting, authentic transformation?

We will see real transformation when we begin to use the weapons God has given us to use. These weapons are divine...they are from Him with Holy Spirit power to change our beliefs in order to transform our emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

Here's the clincher. We have to cooperate. Yep, we can try doing this on our own, but will probably result in frustration because our weapons are not nearly powerful enough to withstand the enemy. Only His weapons can win in the battleground of our minds. Thank God for all He wants to do in order to win our battles. Let the battle wage on. My arsenal is changing. My arsenal is filling up with the supernatural weapons from Papa.

May you experience the Spirit's power this day. Spend some time today with God developing His strategy and seeking His help in the war room.

Sabbatical Day 39

For anyone who reads this today I want you to know one thing. God cares for you. He cares about your hurts, your dreams, past wounds, current wounds, anxieties....whatever you worry about He deeply cares. The things that are too painful to whisper to anyone else can be shared with Him. He knows about it all. He has been with you during the wounds...the wounds of your heart are on his heart. He collects every tear you have ever shed...we all collect the things that we value most.

Please friends, run to Him. Run to your Papa's arms and let Him love you.

This is a simple post...without lots of words. Spend time in his embrace right now.

Sabbatical Day 38

I wonder how many emotions we can experience in a day. I think it must be hundreds. We just don't seem to recognize these emotions quickly nor the complexity of our daily emotions...why they happen...what triggers these emotions...

Over the last 24 hours I have experienced incredible joy, thankfulness, love and grace, hope, intimacy in my soul...to name just a few. These blessings have been a direct result of time with Dennis, Lauren, Bess and ultimately our Heavenly Father through them.

The curious thing about this experience is that they each expressed their love and compassion while I have been my ugliest. There was no ridicule or need to fix me. They listened, loved and cried with me. As a result, I have cried my thanks to Papa for His unquestionable goodness and love He poured into me.

You see I am the prodigal. Not the prodigal that took his father's money and squandered away the wealth. No I'm the prodigal that stayed home...the older prodigal.

This may not be the way you remember the story. (You'll find this story in Luke 15:11-32) The older son stayed home, working for his dad and performing according to what he felt was expected. I imagine there were a few conversations between dad and the older son after the younger son left home. Dad assuredly grieved for his younger son, longing for him to return. Remaining in the family business, the older son was probably jealous of the attention and preoccupation his dad had for the younger son. Ah but life goes on and the older son is now free to have it all.

Not until the prodigal returns, do we see the lies buried in the older son's heart. Jealousy, envy, performing for approval all have taken more space in this brother's soul than concern for his little brother.

You see the older son was a prodigal too...maybe even worse than the prodigal who left. Upon returning, the young son knew the full extent of the lies he had believed. Equally, he knew the only way to tranform was to confess and repent. This is humility at the core.

On the otherhand, the older son...well he didn't even know he was a prodigal and didn't have a clue that there was anything within him that required repentance. This is pride at its worst.

I'm the older prodigal. Sin, unforgiveness, shame, inferiority, isolating, distancing and covering my hurt and anger...those are the emotions of the rest of my day. Confessing and repenting this sin, emotions and behaviors...well, let me just say it again. I'm a prodigal too.

I pray I never try to hide it again.

I pray that I will see the truth more.

I pray that I will lay aside the lies in order to live my life loved and free.

I pray for the Holy Spirit's divine supernatural help, courage, counsel and discernment.

Sabbatical Day 37

Christmas is over but unfortunately some of it still remains...mainly in the form of extra insulation around my middle. Now, all that extra eating doesn't seem like much fun...at least not as much fun as it seemed to be during the parties.

It is so easy to put the weight on and is so hard to take it off. It is equally discouraging to read that we have to burn 3500 calories more than we consume in order to loose one pound of fat. Generally I burn around 400 calories in an aerobic workout. That means if I don't decrease my consumption at all, it would take 9 days to loose one pound...one pound that no one can tell (including me).

Now I'm not very patient and I like to see results immediatly. Plus, I really prefer that it not require such hard work in order to see results. Basically, I'm frustrated by this. But my frustration doesn't change the truth of what it takes to loose weight.

Now I suppose I could purchase the latest appetite suppressant, starve my body, become a fanatic about exercise or use any other over the top approach. However, those may not be the best alternative to plain hard work and a basic change to how I approach food. The result of this hard work can be a lifetime of health and wellness due to the change of beliefs, thoughts and eventually action.

Spiritual transformation is hard work too. I can try to short change the process but there is usually one road to this new life. The road is humility. God knew we could not make this transformation happen without direct help from the Holy Spirit.

As independent as we may think we are, there is absolutely no way we can live a new life without His help in everything we do. Jesus said is so well. While on the earth and faced with being God in flesh He said, "I tell you the truth, the son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." If Jesus, being God, could not make it without the Father's help, I know I can't.

What blows my mind is that when God sees me, He sees the transformed me. Now go figure...I wish I had those glasses on. I don't know how He does that since He knows all of my messiness but He does.

The transformed version of me has nothing to do with my abilities. It is solely because of the work of Christ. His death and resurrection changes everything from my eternal destination of death to life. I'm not just talking about heaven or hell. I am talking about today...death or life of my soul.

We have the choice of cooperating with His transforming plan. It might be easy or on the other hand it may be hard. Either way He loves us and will continually work to bring about the best for us. We will experience tough times. However, I am assured that even those bring about His change and transformation.

Well I better hit the gym. I still have more "transforming" to do. Easy or hard...either way...I'm hungry for transformation. I'm in it for life.

Sabbatical Day 36

The thunder storm last night was a fun reminder that spring is around the corner. If God chooses, we will have another spring. Papa faithfully creates new days longing to hang out with us. Before you know it the days become months, then seasons, years and finally at least for us, lifetimes.

During my lifetime, I hope that I can begin to treat these moments as true gifts. All are moments with Him and with His creation. Equally, I am learning to take time with friends . Each moment with our dear ones is an opportunity to receive as well as encourage. Imagine encouragement being the words we speak most to those we love and to the strangers we meet.

What if we could see the image of our Triune God in each person. We would see a part of God. We would speak differently if we thought we were talking to one of Papa's loved ones. When frustrated we would share the truth of our feelings in love without condemnation. We wouldn't hide. We wouldn't deny. We wouldn't ignore. We wouldn't crawl into our shells.

Instead, we would know we are valuable, worthwhile and important. We would become trusting, loving, thoughtful, kind, generous, content...all this fruit would become reality. Falling prey to the enemies destruction would happen less and less.

Interesting, using the word "would" makes me feel as if this is just an idealistic thought...just another "should" or "ought to" in the long list of religious rules. But here is reality. This is the way God intends for us to live with one another. From the words of Jesus, "love one another", to Peter's words "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Everything we find in scripture is about relationship...with God or with each other. Now is the time to live loved and to freely share love with friends, family and those who seem to be our enemies. Our Triune God is sitting on ready to help us. They are just waiting for the nod.

Take some time to think on this one. Nod when you are ready.

Sabbatical Day 35

It is an incredible day that God created for us. It is so much fun getting out on a winter's day and being kissed by the sun. I thawed out in the sun on the front porch while enjoying the warm temps.

I read today from John 3. There we find Nicodemus coming to Jesus. It is interesting to see what Nicodemus believes about Jesus. Nicodemus basically confesses to believing Jesus to be from God because of the miracles He has performed. In Nicodemus's mind the miracles proved Jesus to at least have some divine power from God. The word that really caught my attention was "performed."

There are so many times that I expect God to prove His love for me by performing some miracle or helping me "feel" something. This is not faith. This is wanting God to write on walls or to do whatever I ask in order to prove Himself to me. God doesn't need to perform anything in order for His love and grace to be any more real. It is merely stepping out in faith and trust that He is good for His word.

But God is faithful...so incredibly, deeply and eternally faithful to who He is. He never tires of us in our places of faithlessness. He just continues to love and patiently display His glory each and every day.

Drink in his lovely gift of today.

Sabbatical Day 34

Unexpected pleasures are some of the best. Yesterday I had such an awesome day with Dennis. We set off to spend time at a local coffee shop to catch up on our week. Enjoying Americanos, sharing a cinnamon chip scone and listening about God's work in our lives was a spontaneously fun time. I love these moments. It is so amazing when we find God just hanging out with us. Looking for His touch of grace in our days makes for thankful hearts.

I must admit that even though I knew my soul desperately needed this time of sabbating, a battle raged in my head of all the reasons I should not take this rest. It is extremely hard to seperate ourselves from the identity that the culture forces on us and that we embrace in order to find self-worth. We find identity in our jobs, our homes, our bank accounts, our kids, our social clubs and functions, our strengths, our education, our body...you name it and we can draw identity from it. Unfortunately none of these sources last or fill us in deeply meaningful ways.

God's love is the real source of identity...mainly because we can't fool Him with our facade. But He loves us with our messiness. His love is our identity. His grace, His joy, His peace...is ours. I love these words that Robert S. McGee says in "The Search For Significance." He states that as Christians we are "...deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ." This is who I am. This is my identity. This is me. Nothing, absolutely nothing this world has to offer can replace this identity.