Sabbatical Day 38

I wonder how many emotions we can experience in a day. I think it must be hundreds. We just don't seem to recognize these emotions quickly nor the complexity of our daily emotions...why they happen...what triggers these emotions...

Over the last 24 hours I have experienced incredible joy, thankfulness, love and grace, hope, intimacy in my soul...to name just a few. These blessings have been a direct result of time with Dennis, Lauren, Bess and ultimately our Heavenly Father through them.

The curious thing about this experience is that they each expressed their love and compassion while I have been my ugliest. There was no ridicule or need to fix me. They listened, loved and cried with me. As a result, I have cried my thanks to Papa for His unquestionable goodness and love He poured into me.

You see I am the prodigal. Not the prodigal that took his father's money and squandered away the wealth. No I'm the prodigal that stayed home...the older prodigal.

This may not be the way you remember the story. (You'll find this story in Luke 15:11-32) The older son stayed home, working for his dad and performing according to what he felt was expected. I imagine there were a few conversations between dad and the older son after the younger son left home. Dad assuredly grieved for his younger son, longing for him to return. Remaining in the family business, the older son was probably jealous of the attention and preoccupation his dad had for the younger son. Ah but life goes on and the older son is now free to have it all.

Not until the prodigal returns, do we see the lies buried in the older son's heart. Jealousy, envy, performing for approval all have taken more space in this brother's soul than concern for his little brother.

You see the older son was a prodigal too...maybe even worse than the prodigal who left. Upon returning, the young son knew the full extent of the lies he had believed. Equally, he knew the only way to tranform was to confess and repent. This is humility at the core.

On the otherhand, the older son...well he didn't even know he was a prodigal and didn't have a clue that there was anything within him that required repentance. This is pride at its worst.

I'm the older prodigal. Sin, unforgiveness, shame, inferiority, isolating, distancing and covering my hurt and anger...those are the emotions of the rest of my day. Confessing and repenting this sin, emotions and behaviors...well, let me just say it again. I'm a prodigal too.

I pray I never try to hide it again.

I pray that I will see the truth more.

I pray that I will lay aside the lies in order to live my life loved and free.

I pray for the Holy Spirit's divine supernatural help, courage, counsel and discernment.