Cleatice and Earl lived a quarter of a mile down the road from our family. They were our closest neighbors. They lived in a very small farm house with both of their mothers. Cleatice took care of her mother and Earl's mother at the same time. Earl's mother suffered from dementia and Cleatice's mother was extremely frail.
Cleatice and Earl also had 2 children, Betty Ruth and Pete. Betty Ruth lived in the area and Pete lived in Illinois working for the Illinois Bureau of Investigation as an undercover drug investigator. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Both of my grandmothers died before I was born so Cleatice was like my grandmother. She took care of me when mom needed time off or had errands to run. I spent nights at her house even while she cared for her own "moms". She seemed to have endless energy and time for me which always made my moments with her so special.
You could usually find Cleatice knitting away on some project. It might be a stocking cap, an afghan, or sweater. Her projects were like treasures to those who were lucky enough to get them. I still have two sweaters that she knit for me.
Cleatice had a great deal of patience and was an incredible teacher. She taught me to knit before I even started school. She helped me sound out the words Knit and Purl (which are basic stitches used in knitting)in order that I might know which stitch I needed to use. Dropped stitches, happened often with my four year old fingers. But that never bothered her. She easily remedied any of my mistakes. If I had a super big mistake we would rip out the stitching in order to fix the problem. Mistakes seemed easy and were no big deal.
If you walked up to Cleatice's front porch around meal time, you would smell the most incredible aromas coming from her kitchen. Her kitchen wasn't any bigger than my laundry room with even less counter top space and storage. But the feasts she produced were amazing. Her fried chicken was to die for and there was a never ending supply of sweet tea...sweet...cold...wonderful...tea. She always used the same brown pottery tea pitcher. (If you find me wandering the aisles of antique stores, you know that one of the treasures I am hunting is for a pitcher like Cleatice's) She boiled her loose tea then strained it into the pitcher, added sugar and water. Better than McAlisters. Cleatice also taught me how to fry cracklings when frying chicken. To this day I can't fry chicken without the cracklings.
Our little country church often had carry in dinners. Some of the best cooks in the community brought food to those dinners, but none could pass up Cleatice's creations. Whether it was hearty cookin' or something sweet it was the best around.
Afternoons at Cleatices were saved for resting, reading or knitting. When someone knocked at the door, she always hollered "Come In", before she had any idea who it was. She never worried about strangers. Everyone was always welcome.
While I was still very young tragedy struck Cleatice and Earl. Pete, their son was murdered in a drug investigation gone bad. It was all over the news. The tragic loss of Pete's life left a widow and 2 young children. I remember the sadness and grief that fell over the community as we gathered around Cleatice and Earl. For months the TV stations would have clips about the murder and investigation. I watched Cleatice. I never saw anger, even though I am sure she felt it. She just became quiet in her grief.
With time, her singing and cooking returned as she worked through the grief. She was still loving those around her, caring for her family...and a little girl who thought of her as grandma. She and Earl took the place of honor as my Grandparents at our wedding. An acquittance asked her if we were related. Cleatice responded, "No, Cathy just doesn't know any different. To her I am Grandma."
God is so gracious. He saw to it that a woman down the road would love me as I was. She had time for me and always encouraged me...especially in my music. I began singing in church at the age of 4 and playing piano by 6. Never once did she point out my mistakes. (Remember mistakes were easy to remedy) She always supported me and blessed me with her words of endearment and love. She lived out the apostle John's word found in 2 John verse 6, "...As you have heard from the beginning, His command is that you walk in love."
Cleatice is gone now. She went home to be with the Lord a few years ago. Her legacy of love still lingers in me. I will never forget her. I will always be thankful for her and the way she showered me with Christ's love. Cleatice readily shared Christ's love with others. I am one of those touched by God through Cleatice. For that I will always be thankful.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sabbatical Day 29 - Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection can motivate us in our relationships in some pretty unhealthy ways. Some of behaviors that relate to my fear of rejection include:
...being easily manipulated
...being hypersensitive to criticism
...being defensive
...reacting strongly when others disagree
...allowing only superficial relationships
...exhibiting shyness
...being passive
...depression
Yes unfortunately I have done all of these at one time or another. I wish I could say that it has only happened once or twice but that would be an exaggeration. I know I keep coming back to this subject of approval, but I believe it is more prevelant in our society than we care to believe.
We cover it up, masking it with our successes and prosperity. Yet if we stop long enough, we find that the masks intended to keep us safe from rejection and disapproval, are flimsy, penetrable shields that do nothing to protect us from the emotional pain of rejection.
Much of what I am learning comes from the time I have spent with a trusted counselor, dear mentor and a study I am experiencing in the book titled "The Search For Significance." All of these combined keep driving home the truth about who I am behind the protective soul gear that I wear.
Unfortunately this fear of rejection has manipulated me and I have used it in turn to manipulate others. It really is quit ugly. No wonder, it never does anything for relationships. I use manipulation to control the outcomes of situations and behaviors of people.
We alienate people, defend our positions, bully our way through problems and praise folks in order to help us make our goals. James 4 talks about this in detail. James states "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? (ie like my need for acceptance) You want something but don't get it (yep those strokes and cu dos don't come often enough to suit me) You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (Italics mine)
Whoa...If I could go back to many of the fights I have had over the years in order to find the real root of the quarrels, I venture to guess that much of it would be from my addiction for approval.
I want to become the friend that seeks others good instead of my goals. I want to linger in conversations and really ask myself "What am I trying to accomplish? Is this for their good?" I long to communicate genuine, heartfelt appreciation for others instead of the counterfeit praise that rolls off my lips too easily. Christ's sacrifice deems all people as worthy. I want to be able to lock eyes with God's children and see the very ones He moved heaven and earth for...kids just like me. Then just maybe I'll begin to live in the words of Paul..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others."
Tomorrow I'll tell you of stories of one of the women in my life who loved me in deep ways. I have a rich heritage of people who have poured into me all that God has given them. Can't wait to share it.
Until then,
Cathy
...being easily manipulated
...being hypersensitive to criticism
...being defensive
...reacting strongly when others disagree
...allowing only superficial relationships
...exhibiting shyness
...being passive
...depression
Yes unfortunately I have done all of these at one time or another. I wish I could say that it has only happened once or twice but that would be an exaggeration. I know I keep coming back to this subject of approval, but I believe it is more prevelant in our society than we care to believe.
We cover it up, masking it with our successes and prosperity. Yet if we stop long enough, we find that the masks intended to keep us safe from rejection and disapproval, are flimsy, penetrable shields that do nothing to protect us from the emotional pain of rejection.
Much of what I am learning comes from the time I have spent with a trusted counselor, dear mentor and a study I am experiencing in the book titled "The Search For Significance." All of these combined keep driving home the truth about who I am behind the protective soul gear that I wear.
Unfortunately this fear of rejection has manipulated me and I have used it in turn to manipulate others. It really is quit ugly. No wonder, it never does anything for relationships. I use manipulation to control the outcomes of situations and behaviors of people.
We alienate people, defend our positions, bully our way through problems and praise folks in order to help us make our goals. James 4 talks about this in detail. James states "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? (ie like my need for acceptance) You want something but don't get it (yep those strokes and cu dos don't come often enough to suit me) You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (Italics mine)
Whoa...If I could go back to many of the fights I have had over the years in order to find the real root of the quarrels, I venture to guess that much of it would be from my addiction for approval.
I want to become the friend that seeks others good instead of my goals. I want to linger in conversations and really ask myself "What am I trying to accomplish? Is this for their good?" I long to communicate genuine, heartfelt appreciation for others instead of the counterfeit praise that rolls off my lips too easily. Christ's sacrifice deems all people as worthy. I want to be able to lock eyes with God's children and see the very ones He moved heaven and earth for...kids just like me. Then just maybe I'll begin to live in the words of Paul..."Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others."
Tomorrow I'll tell you of stories of one of the women in my life who loved me in deep ways. I have a rich heritage of people who have poured into me all that God has given them. Can't wait to share it.
Until then,
Cathy
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sabbatical Day 28 -
I say this often. With each new day I mean it more and more. I am so thankful for Jesus...for His love...His sacrifice. It is a love that is not dependent on me. His love is complete all by itself. He doesn't need me in any way in order to be fulfilled. He is complete with life in all of it's fullness. Yet, He desires me. He longs for me. He wants me just because He is crazy about me. Everything good that He is He shares with me. He shares God's Kingdom with me. I am an heir to all that is His.
Imagine for a moment...You and Jesus... sitting side by side. God is asked "Who do you love the most?" His response, "I love them equally". Wait a minute...equally...not one more than the other? We are all loved equally by our Triune God. That makes me God's daughter, Jesus' little sister, adopted with all the full rights of kinship. I am Papa's child...His little girl. I still can't seem to get used to that. I try that title on feeling uncertain and definitely unworthy. But this truth is changing my beliefs and ultimately my life.
Each day I begin with sitting still before the Father and just repeating to myself, "Papa, I belong to you."
I remember years ago when I was about 4 or 5, I would go to the feed store with my Dad. When it was just him and me, he would always buy me a bottle of pop for a nickle. We would sit in the feed store to drink the pop in order to return the bottle. Usually someone would come into the store that knew Dad. Often he was asked, "So who's this little girl?" Dad's reply was always the same. "This is the babe." Those words always made me feel loved, secure and accepted. I would sit closer to Dad's side, a little straighter and taller just because he recognized me as his.
When our heavenly Father calls us His kids, we can know that He sees us with all the rights and privileges of being His. We can go to Him without fear. We can ask anything and know we will not be laughed at, ridiculed or condemned.
I am gripped by what He has done. More than anything I want my life to reflect God's tranforming workmanship in my feeling, my beliefs, my attitudes, and ultimately my behaviors. Jesus paid not just for my sin...He paid for the righteousness given to me. His righteousness is mine. He traded my ledger sheet of sin and filled up my spiritual and emotional account with His righteousness, goodness, peace, joy...His complete and full life.
This is our inheritance as His kids. Believe it. Let it transform you. Live it my friends. This is all we need.
Imagine for a moment...You and Jesus... sitting side by side. God is asked "Who do you love the most?" His response, "I love them equally". Wait a minute...equally...not one more than the other? We are all loved equally by our Triune God. That makes me God's daughter, Jesus' little sister, adopted with all the full rights of kinship. I am Papa's child...His little girl. I still can't seem to get used to that. I try that title on feeling uncertain and definitely unworthy. But this truth is changing my beliefs and ultimately my life.
Each day I begin with sitting still before the Father and just repeating to myself, "Papa, I belong to you."
I remember years ago when I was about 4 or 5, I would go to the feed store with my Dad. When it was just him and me, he would always buy me a bottle of pop for a nickle. We would sit in the feed store to drink the pop in order to return the bottle. Usually someone would come into the store that knew Dad. Often he was asked, "So who's this little girl?" Dad's reply was always the same. "This is the babe." Those words always made me feel loved, secure and accepted. I would sit closer to Dad's side, a little straighter and taller just because he recognized me as his.
When our heavenly Father calls us His kids, we can know that He sees us with all the rights and privileges of being His. We can go to Him without fear. We can ask anything and know we will not be laughed at, ridiculed or condemned.
I am gripped by what He has done. More than anything I want my life to reflect God's tranforming workmanship in my feeling, my beliefs, my attitudes, and ultimately my behaviors. Jesus paid not just for my sin...He paid for the righteousness given to me. His righteousness is mine. He traded my ledger sheet of sin and filled up my spiritual and emotional account with His righteousness, goodness, peace, joy...His complete and full life.
This is our inheritance as His kids. Believe it. Let it transform you. Live it my friends. This is all we need.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sabbatical Day 27 - I Am Free
Responsibility and Expectations. These nouns are heavy, almost to the point of burdensome. We all feel the burden of responsibility at work, at home, in our community, churches and even with God. Equally, we live with expectations...some spoken, others unspoken...some from our own paradigms of what we think God or others expect. Then of course, there are the unspoken expectations we have of God and others that generally lead us down the trail to disappointment and hurt.
Today you generally will find a couple of the headings on job descriptions titled Roles and (you got it) "Responsibilities". We are judged by how successful we are in carrying out those roles. Any perks, advancement or cu dos depend upon our abilities to handle the responsibilities with ease, fluidity and teamwork. Rarely do we experience high fives for just showing up. No wonder life becomes a performance and our jobs are the stage.
What if we change these words to responding and expectancy? What if we changed life to living? What if we changed nouns into verbs....growth into growing....love to loving....relationship to relating? What if life was actively participating in being and relating with the God of our universe?
Today I had one of the most awesome worship times in my church. I left expectations and responsibilities behind. Responding to God in expectancy was transforming. It was like leaving behind the comfort zone of the past and falling into His arms of grace. I knew Papa would be there to meet me, welcoming me into His presence. It changed my whole perspective of our time.
I have found a new song written by John Eagen and performed by Desperation Band. It is awesome...go look for it on Itunes or your favorite MP3 source. Read the truth in this song. Meditate on it. Do you believe this truth that you are free? Do you believe it for everyone else but you? Why? Dear friend stop for just a moment and soak in this truth. YOU ARE FREE BECAUSE OF JESUS CHRIST. Free to run, free to dance, free to love, free to respond, free to live for Him.
I Am Free
by John Eagen
Verse 1
Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free
Chorus 1
I am free to run
I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to dance
I am free to live for You
I am free to live for You
I am free
I am free
Today you generally will find a couple of the headings on job descriptions titled Roles and (you got it) "Responsibilities". We are judged by how successful we are in carrying out those roles. Any perks, advancement or cu dos depend upon our abilities to handle the responsibilities with ease, fluidity and teamwork. Rarely do we experience high fives for just showing up. No wonder life becomes a performance and our jobs are the stage.
What if we change these words to responding and expectancy? What if we changed life to living? What if we changed nouns into verbs....growth into growing....love to loving....relationship to relating? What if life was actively participating in being and relating with the God of our universe?
Today I had one of the most awesome worship times in my church. I left expectations and responsibilities behind. Responding to God in expectancy was transforming. It was like leaving behind the comfort zone of the past and falling into His arms of grace. I knew Papa would be there to meet me, welcoming me into His presence. It changed my whole perspective of our time.
I have found a new song written by John Eagen and performed by Desperation Band. It is awesome...go look for it on Itunes or your favorite MP3 source. Read the truth in this song. Meditate on it. Do you believe this truth that you are free? Do you believe it for everyone else but you? Why? Dear friend stop for just a moment and soak in this truth. YOU ARE FREE BECAUSE OF JESUS CHRIST. Free to run, free to dance, free to love, free to respond, free to live for Him.
I Am Free
by John Eagen
Verse 1
Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams I am free
Chorus 1
I am free to run
I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to dance
I am free to live for You
I am free to live for You
I am free
I am free
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sabbatical Day 26
Honesty is risky business. It requires us to be authentic and truthful. You must have the courage of a warrior to enter into honest discussion. Misunderstanding along with the good old fashioned dose of fear keeps us hidden. The result...deeply inhibited relationships.
I would guess that we all have one or two inhibited relationships in our lives. My next guess is that we are tired of the charade. I wish I could say that all my relationships have been authentic. However, that would be a lie. Hum....maybe I'm beginning to make some head way. LOL
Scripture tells us that love rejoices in the truth. Why do we struggle with truth? What do we fear? For many, it is the fear of how the truth will be received. Equally, we seek to control and manipulate the outcome of our situations, so we hide truth and authenticity in the closet. We hide our true feelings of hurt. We hide our sin. We hide our thought life. We hide our failures. We hide the difficulties of our marriages...the difficulties with our kids. We hide and think for some reason we can live hidden behind closed doors.
With each day that we hide, we loose a little more of ourselves. We feel less, love little, seldom celebrate, and convince ourselves we are not angry because we don't "feel angry". Our response to life is lukewarm...it is gray. God's response to life is vivid HD color. Truth is who He is. Love is who He is. He cannot ever be anything else than who He is.
Living life as He intended is sharing in that HD color. The first place to practice honesty is in my relationship with Papa. It is refreshing...like a cold drink of water on a very hot day. I want more than anything to live the rest of my days being who He created me to be. The doing will come out of the being. For now, I am enjoying the journey of this relationship with Papa....just hanging out...just being honest.
I would guess that we all have one or two inhibited relationships in our lives. My next guess is that we are tired of the charade. I wish I could say that all my relationships have been authentic. However, that would be a lie. Hum....maybe I'm beginning to make some head way. LOL
Scripture tells us that love rejoices in the truth. Why do we struggle with truth? What do we fear? For many, it is the fear of how the truth will be received. Equally, we seek to control and manipulate the outcome of our situations, so we hide truth and authenticity in the closet. We hide our true feelings of hurt. We hide our sin. We hide our thought life. We hide our failures. We hide the difficulties of our marriages...the difficulties with our kids. We hide and think for some reason we can live hidden behind closed doors.
With each day that we hide, we loose a little more of ourselves. We feel less, love little, seldom celebrate, and convince ourselves we are not angry because we don't "feel angry". Our response to life is lukewarm...it is gray. God's response to life is vivid HD color. Truth is who He is. Love is who He is. He cannot ever be anything else than who He is.
Living life as He intended is sharing in that HD color. The first place to practice honesty is in my relationship with Papa. It is refreshing...like a cold drink of water on a very hot day. I want more than anything to live the rest of my days being who He created me to be. The doing will come out of the being. For now, I am enjoying the journey of this relationship with Papa....just hanging out...just being honest.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Sabbatical Day 25 -
As much as you never like to see your kids sick or hurting, today has been rich and full. I spent the day with Lauren as she convalesced after surgery to remove her wisdom teeth. We have a saying around our house that says, "Money just makes you more of what you already are." Well I now have another saying. "Anesthesia just makes you more of what you already are." The nurse wheeled Lauren to the car and with her mouth full of gauze she was giggling so hard that tears ran down her checks. She told me that when she woke from the surgery she giggled at the doctor and gave him the peace sign. (You had to be there. She was hilarious. The more she laughed the harder I laughed. Her jaws were hurting and my abs were killing me) We have giggled all day...until our sides hurt. Out of the abundance of our hearts flows God's goodness, in Lauren's case an incredibly light heart and fun sense of humor.
My day has been spent doing exactly what I wanted to do. With no feeling of obligation or worries about what needs to be done, I have journeyed along with Lauren desiring to attend to her needs. It has been a day of milk shakes, mashed potatoes and homemade noodles. It has been a day of movies and pain killers. Today has been a blessed privilege walking with Lauren during these sacred moments together. I will treasure them in my heart.
I simply want to leave you with this scripture on love. I've decided it is the job description God is calling me to.
Read slowly and take in His truth. From 1 Cor.13 we read...
Love is....
....patient
....kind
....It does not envy
....It celebrates others
....It does not boast
....It is not proud
....nor rude
....nor self-seeking
....It is not easily angered,
....keeps no record of wrong
....Does not delight in evil
....Rejoices in the truth
....Always protects
....Always trusts
....Always hopes
....Always perseveres
LOVE NEVER FAILS.
This is worship lived out everyday by the power of Papa's Spirit. Love is divine. In His love I am free to love without any hidden agenda or expectation of anyone else. It's a "No Strings Attached" Love.
Continuing on the journey of learning to live loved.
Cathy
My day has been spent doing exactly what I wanted to do. With no feeling of obligation or worries about what needs to be done, I have journeyed along with Lauren desiring to attend to her needs. It has been a day of milk shakes, mashed potatoes and homemade noodles. It has been a day of movies and pain killers. Today has been a blessed privilege walking with Lauren during these sacred moments together. I will treasure them in my heart.
I simply want to leave you with this scripture on love. I've decided it is the job description God is calling me to.
Read slowly and take in His truth. From 1 Cor.13 we read...
Love is....
....patient
....kind
....It does not envy
....It celebrates others
....It does not boast
....It is not proud
....nor rude
....nor self-seeking
....It is not easily angered,
....keeps no record of wrong
....Does not delight in evil
....Rejoices in the truth
....Always protects
....Always trusts
....Always hopes
....Always perseveres
LOVE NEVER FAILS.
This is worship lived out everyday by the power of Papa's Spirit. Love is divine. In His love I am free to love without any hidden agenda or expectation of anyone else. It's a "No Strings Attached" Love.
Continuing on the journey of learning to live loved.
Cathy
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Sabbatical Day 24 - Papa's Little Girl
God is so amazing. I know that goes without saying, but each day in His Word brings new life to my soul.
While studying through "Search For Significance" by Robert McGee, a scripture jumped off the pages and landed right in my heart. Act 13:39 says, "And through Him everyone who believes is freed from all things, from which you could not be freed through the Law of Moses." This promise and proclamation of truth is exactly what God wants for me right now. He wants me to be free from all things. Actually I am already free because God has erased my sin and declared me as righteous and innocent by the very blood of my Savior. Unfortunately, I haven't lived there in that freedom, by truly trusting and believing this truth.
For 46 years I have lived with my past, and worried about my future. Today I struggle. I am driven to perfection, performance and approval. God in His completely infinite grace (which I know I have tested) never gives up on me. He quietly and faithfully walks with me, always ready to step in and take over.
The only way to live out this truth is to challenge my past paradigms that I have believed and lived under. Thankfully, God's truth is challenging those beliefs. It is like I am seeing the hope for life in all its fullness for the very first time. Will there be dark moments? Sure. Will I struggle? Definitely. Will there be days that I feel depressed...when God is so quiet that I fear His abandonment? Absolutely. Now with more of His truth hidden in my heart, I can rely on and challenge my old ways in order to live out this new life.
This is a new day, full of God's love and freedom. I am free from my past, free from Satan's schemes, free from guilt, free from shame, free from destructive thoughts, free from past patterns of behavior, free from worry. This is not because of my faith, but because God has declared this to be true.
There is no greater worship that I can give my Papa than to live out each day in His love and freedom. Allowing my life to speak for Him and His glory is reducing my desire for significance. The only significance that is mine is that I am Papa's little girl. I belong to Him. He is mine.
While studying through "Search For Significance" by Robert McGee, a scripture jumped off the pages and landed right in my heart. Act 13:39 says, "And through Him everyone who believes is freed from all things, from which you could not be freed through the Law of Moses." This promise and proclamation of truth is exactly what God wants for me right now. He wants me to be free from all things. Actually I am already free because God has erased my sin and declared me as righteous and innocent by the very blood of my Savior. Unfortunately, I haven't lived there in that freedom, by truly trusting and believing this truth.
For 46 years I have lived with my past, and worried about my future. Today I struggle. I am driven to perfection, performance and approval. God in His completely infinite grace (which I know I have tested) never gives up on me. He quietly and faithfully walks with me, always ready to step in and take over.
The only way to live out this truth is to challenge my past paradigms that I have believed and lived under. Thankfully, God's truth is challenging those beliefs. It is like I am seeing the hope for life in all its fullness for the very first time. Will there be dark moments? Sure. Will I struggle? Definitely. Will there be days that I feel depressed...when God is so quiet that I fear His abandonment? Absolutely. Now with more of His truth hidden in my heart, I can rely on and challenge my old ways in order to live out this new life.
This is a new day, full of God's love and freedom. I am free from my past, free from Satan's schemes, free from guilt, free from shame, free from destructive thoughts, free from past patterns of behavior, free from worry. This is not because of my faith, but because God has declared this to be true.
There is no greater worship that I can give my Papa than to live out each day in His love and freedom. Allowing my life to speak for Him and His glory is reducing my desire for significance. The only significance that is mine is that I am Papa's little girl. I belong to Him. He is mine.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sabbatical Day 23 - Fun Times
Some are better than others at spontaneity. I, for one, don't seem to have that gift. My dear mentor has given me an assignment. I am to do one spontaneous thing each day just for the pure fun of it. Imagine, it isn't on my task list, it isn't a part of what I need to do, should do or have to do. Some of the things I have thought of are taking a quilting class, cooking, dance class (Hope Dennis is willing,lol), scrapbooking, antiqueing and yes even cleaning out a few drawers to get my home organized sounds wonderful. Than at the close of each day I am to reflect on and write about my spontaneous fun.
So much of what we do seems to be out of obligation. We feel pressure or at least responsible to do our "A List" before we can ever consider the C or D List. Often fun doesn't even make it to our list. I think it is safe to say that we look at God as if fun isn't a part of His character. He must have had fun creating the world. I can just imagine our Triune God working away at creating earth...stepping back to see the big picture then moving forward to paint in the details....taking another step back...stroking his chin and then with a smile plastered on His face He declares, "It Is Good!"
Well I am off to enjoy some fun. Since He gave me this time off, I think He intends to awaken my soul to the color of fun. I wonder what color that is. Can't wait to see!
So much of what we do seems to be out of obligation. We feel pressure or at least responsible to do our "A List" before we can ever consider the C or D List. Often fun doesn't even make it to our list. I think it is safe to say that we look at God as if fun isn't a part of His character. He must have had fun creating the world. I can just imagine our Triune God working away at creating earth...stepping back to see the big picture then moving forward to paint in the details....taking another step back...stroking his chin and then with a smile plastered on His face He declares, "It Is Good!"
Well I am off to enjoy some fun. Since He gave me this time off, I think He intends to awaken my soul to the color of fun. I wonder what color that is. Can't wait to see!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sabbatical Day 22 - Rely on God's love
Performance is a way of life for so many...me included. We perform to receive and secure acceptance from others. We wonder what others want and then try to sing and dance our way into their good graces. While we do this, we find ourselves empty, anxious and increasingly angry, especially when we don't receive approval. Working so hard for acceptance leaves us depleted with nothing to give.
God tells us in 1 John 4:16 "...Rely on the love God has for us." Rely. A verb that means "to trust.... to have complete faith or assurance that one will not be let down by another." There is is again...that little word trust.
God has always been and always will be faithful. He has never let anyone down. His love is never ending. It is true. It endures forever. It never fails. He is the only one who will not let us down.
I have looked for this kind of love from others. Sadly I have put incredible unspoken expectations on them to fill a black hole of need that their finite abilities where never meant to fill. Only the infinite love of my Papa can fill this vast black hole in my heart. He doesn't just fill it up half way. He makes it overflow. Infinite blackness filled with infinite love.
Rely on the love God has for you.
God tells us in 1 John 4:16 "...Rely on the love God has for us." Rely. A verb that means "to trust.... to have complete faith or assurance that one will not be let down by another." There is is again...that little word trust.
God has always been and always will be faithful. He has never let anyone down. His love is never ending. It is true. It endures forever. It never fails. He is the only one who will not let us down.
I have looked for this kind of love from others. Sadly I have put incredible unspoken expectations on them to fill a black hole of need that their finite abilities where never meant to fill. Only the infinite love of my Papa can fill this vast black hole in my heart. He doesn't just fill it up half way. He makes it overflow. Infinite blackness filled with infinite love.
Rely on the love God has for you.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Day 21 - Learning To Live Loved
It is amazing how sin steals so much from our lives. Today, God in His mercy revealed again some areas of sin that I have hung on to. Areas such as jealousy, envy, performance, wanting approval and this defensive nature seem to be more real than God's righteousness. I know sin has clouded my heart and mind. I can say all the right things, act the right way and yet not seem to live in the fullness of life that God promises. It's like the color of life is sucked right out of relationships and everything I do.
Over the past 2 months, I have read and reread "The Shack". So much of the transformation that is happening for me is due to the beautiful story of relationship that unfolds between our Triune God and a man named Mack. Mack who through a series of horrible life events, spends a weekend with God. During a conversation with Jesus, Mack comes to the end of himself...a place where performance and saying the right things just don't cut it any longer. Knowing that all of his paradigms for being a Christian have been crushed, he asks Jesus, "So what do I do now?" I love the reply. Jesus says "...learn to live loved."
This is the goal of my sabbatical...that I will learn to live as the beloved little girl wrapped in her Papa's warm embrace of grace.
When our daughter Lauren was little, after baths I would scoop her up in a towel, hold her on my lap and sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Then I would go on to "I love you, a bushel and a peck. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. A hug around the neck and a barrel and heap. A barrel and a heap and I'm talking in my sleep about you....I love you, a bushel and a peck. You bet your pretty neck I do." She would sit in my lap soaking up the love and truth of those words. I desperately want my children to know that I am crazy about them.
Even more, God wants us to know that He is wild about us. I read from God's word Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love and He will rejoice over you with singing." Could it be that God wants me to run into His lap and receive His love song? Does He want to sing, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.....?" Does He really delight in me...even when I mess up?
Yes, it is so true. This truth is bringing color back into my life. I AM LOVED. YOU ARE LOVED. Jesus bares the scars to prove it. We need not look any further for love, acceptance, approval, security or significance. Our Father is ready and willing to shower us with His goodness. I hope you hear Him humming a lovely tune while He keeps this day in motion. It's His love song for you and me.
Over the past 2 months, I have read and reread "The Shack". So much of the transformation that is happening for me is due to the beautiful story of relationship that unfolds between our Triune God and a man named Mack. Mack who through a series of horrible life events, spends a weekend with God. During a conversation with Jesus, Mack comes to the end of himself...a place where performance and saying the right things just don't cut it any longer. Knowing that all of his paradigms for being a Christian have been crushed, he asks Jesus, "So what do I do now?" I love the reply. Jesus says "...learn to live loved."
This is the goal of my sabbatical...that I will learn to live as the beloved little girl wrapped in her Papa's warm embrace of grace.
When our daughter Lauren was little, after baths I would scoop her up in a towel, hold her on my lap and sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Then I would go on to "I love you, a bushel and a peck. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. A hug around the neck and a barrel and heap. A barrel and a heap and I'm talking in my sleep about you....I love you, a bushel and a peck. You bet your pretty neck I do." She would sit in my lap soaking up the love and truth of those words. I desperately want my children to know that I am crazy about them.
Even more, God wants us to know that He is wild about us. I read from God's word Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love and He will rejoice over you with singing." Could it be that God wants me to run into His lap and receive His love song? Does He want to sing, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.....?" Does He really delight in me...even when I mess up?
Yes, it is so true. This truth is bringing color back into my life. I AM LOVED. YOU ARE LOVED. Jesus bares the scars to prove it. We need not look any further for love, acceptance, approval, security or significance. Our Father is ready and willing to shower us with His goodness. I hope you hear Him humming a lovely tune while He keeps this day in motion. It's His love song for you and me.
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